


So Give Me All Your Poison

by thePetetoherPatrick



Series: Mika's Requests [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Artist!Gerard - Freeform, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Infidelity, M/M, Smut, Stripper!Frank, Suicide, waiter!frank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 04:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10268141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thePetetoherPatrick/pseuds/thePetetoherPatrick
Summary: So...***DaisukiRose***...Mika...mia passerotto...you SHOULD know by now that if you give me a vague prompt I'm going to go where ever I want with it and totally ruin you. All she gave me to go on was "Nancy Boy" by Placebo and Frerard.....This is what I came up with by picking apart some of the lines in the lyrics...grab a box of tissues, hold onto you feels, and enjoy. <3 Trust me when I say this hurt me to write as much as it'll hurt you to read it.ALSO the lovely ***GeesCLUELESSgirl*** made the cover for this one after I spent about a half hour cursing at it and trying to figure it out. She rescued me and made this beautiful thing and I thank her very much for it. Love you ^-^.xoxo





	

**Author's Note:**

> So...***DaisukiRose***...Mika...mia passerotto...you SHOULD know by now that if you give me a vague prompt I'm going to go where ever I want with it and totally ruin you. All she gave me to go on was "Nancy Boy" by Placebo and Frerard.....This is what I came up with by picking apart some of the lines in the lyrics...grab a box of tissues, hold onto you feels, and enjoy. <3 Trust me when I say this hurt me to write as much as it'll hurt you to read it.  
> ALSO the lovely ***GeesCLUELESSgirl*** made the cover for this one after I spent about a half hour cursing at it and trying to figure it out. She rescued me and made this beautiful thing and I thank her very much for it. Love you ^-^.
> 
> xoxo

 

 

Gerard plopped down on his usual stool in his usual bar. It felt weird to even think that but his routine had become pretty set. It was sad if you thought about it but at least it was honest. Gerard didn’t care anymore though, he was past that point. He would go to work, go to the bar, hook up with someone, go home and do it all again. It was getting old but he honestly couldn’t care less anymore. It was easy and it felt...well it didn’t feel good but it was better than the alternative. He had his eye on a guy right now, he was cute. Rock band geek looking kid. His hair was long and dark brown, covered by a beanie that wasn’t really fooling anyone into thinking his hair had seen a shower any time in the last week or two. Gerard couldn’t complain though, he was no better.

 

The guy looked up at Gerard with a cute, nervous little smile and glittery green-blue eyes. Gerard flashed him a grin and looked back at his drink, sipping it carefully and waited. It didn’t take long for the guy to move to the stool beside him. Gerard smiled to himself and set down his drink to look over at the guy. He was clearly younger than Gerard. Probably barely old enough to be here. His skin was a pretty tan that contrasted so extremely against Gerard’s own paleness.

 

“Hello.”

 

Gerard turned on his stool to face him. The guy blushed faintly and pushed his hair behind his ear.

 

“What’s your name cutie?”

 

He asked softly, gazing at him with the look that got them every time.

 

“Kellin, you?”

 

Kellin, that was a different name but then so was Gerard’s name.

 

“My friends call me Gee, you can call me that, if you want to.”

 

Gerard smiled, he knew he’d already caught the guy. He knew he wasn’t that attractive, but he was intriguing at least and could catch their attention.

 

“How about I buy you a drink?”

 

Gerard offered and earned another smile from the boy. He grinned back and waved for the bartender to bring another round. Two glasses of whiskey were set in front of them and Gerard smiled at the bartender. Gerard asked generic questions and tuned out Kellin’s answers, nodding and grunting at appropriate moments to give the impression he’s listening. After a while Gerard gave Kellin a look to reel him in that last little bit before downing his drink and setting the glass down.

 

“How about we get out of here?”

 

Kellin smiled at Gerard and nodded, Gerard grabbed his arm and smiled. He led the boy out to his bike, a gift from his brother that they built together. He swung his leg over and looked back at Kellin, who seems impressed. Kellin climbed on and wrapped his arms around Gerard’s waist. Gerard smiled and settled on a motel nearby. That would work. Kellin didn’t seem like the kind of guy he wanted to know where he lived. The kind that would want the call the next day and dates down the line. Gerard didn’t play that game.

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard had been right about Kellin but he was easy enough to get rid of. Gerard was back on the same stool in the same bar with the same drink in front of him. He looked around in the familiar haze of the room and frowned. No one interesting hanging around the bar tonight. Gerard sighed. It’s been awhile since he’d had a slow night like this. He sighed and sipped at his drink, watching everyone talking and dancing together.

 

He was starting to get bored when he saw him. He was a shorter man and covered in tattoos. He looked like he could hardly even be called a man, he looked as young as Kellin. He was one of the prettiest guys Gerard had ever seen though. He had black hair that was long on top and hung in his face but was shaved on the side. He had a pretty smile and green-gold eyes scanning the room. He looked like he had pierced ears but Gerard couldn’t quite tell from here.

 

The guy was different from most that caught Gerard’s eye. He wasn’t timid or anything, he didn’t look shy. Gerard was officially curious. He watched the guy but didn’t look directly at him anymore. The guy came up to the bar and sat on a stool down a little ways down the bar. He ordered a beer and sat there sipping it. He didn’t seem to be looking around or at all interested in anyone that walked by. Gerard wondered if maybe he was waiting for someone he was supposed to meet. No one showed up though after about a half hour. Gerard frowned, this guy was either just drinking or he was stood up. His curiosity got the better of him and he asked the bartender to give the man another drink on him.

 

The bartender was happy to oblige, passing the man a beer. What Gerard didn’t expect was for the bartender to rat him out, and point down at him to tell the guy who had ordered a drink for him. Gerard looked down at his whiskey and watched out of the corner of his eye. The guy didn’t seem upset, it looked like he might even be smiling. He moved down to sit beside Gerard, sipping at the beer he turned to face Gerard, who just kept his head down and waited.

 

“While I appreciate a man who will buy me a beer, but I ain’t that easy sweetheart.”

 

The guy’s voice was rough but pleasant. Gerard looked up at him and grinned. _That’s what he thinks._

 

“Maybe I’ll surprise you.”

 

Gerard flashed a smile he knew got even the toughest of targets.

 

“You can sure try.”

 

The shorter man laughed. He had a cute laugh, it was higher than his voice and sounded kind of silly.

 

“What’s your name, cutie?”

 

Gerard was a little taken aback. That was his line.

 

“Gee, you?”

 

“Frank.”

 

The guy, Frank, smiled. He sipped at his beer and relaxed into leaning on the bar.

 

Gerard grinned, he was sure he could change Frank’s mind. He definitely wanted to fuck this guy, he was so different from any other guy Gerard had picked up here. He’d just have to employ a bit of a different tactic here.

 

“Nice to meet you.”

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard had been right, it had taken some work but he was right. Frank had a car but he hadn’t brought it with him. He wasn’t alright with drinking and driving, even a bike, so he called a cab for them and now Gerard found himself pushed up against a wall in the bedroom of Frank’s apartment. How he’d actually gotten _there_ was a bit of a blur though, but he wasn’t going to argue with it in light of what Frank was doing to his neck. He was sure there would be marks in the morning but he didn’t really care. Frank pushed up against him and gods he was so more than ready. Frank stopped for a minute to pull Gerard away from the wall and lay him down on the bed.

 

Gerard was a little confused as Frank climbed over him but maybe he wanted to ride him, Gerard was game if that’s what Frank wanted. Clothes were quickly shed but but he didn’t care enough to pay attention to how and in what order. Both were naked and that’s what mattered to Gerard. Until, that is, Frank kissed Gerard again but rather than straddling Gerard’s hips he seemed content to have Gerard’s leg on either side of him. At this Gerard began to clue in and his alcohol addled brain started to actually function enough to cry out ‘ _what the fuck is he doing?_ ’ and ‘ _oh hell no_ ’. While Gerard’s brain worked, his voice didn’t seem to want to. For a second he considered pushing Frank away but he hesitated. He’d never been the bottom, he didn’t usually pick guys that were tops, but he was presented with an opportunity he probably wouldn’t have again.

 

Frank sat up and reached over into his nightstand to pull out a bottle of lube and a condom, and Gerard quickly decided ‘ _fuck it, why the hell not_ ’. Frank pushed a lube covered finger against Gerard’s entrance and at first Gerard frowned at how much it hurt but then remembered he had to relax and let it happen or it was going to hurt like a bitch. Frank kissing him again helped him relax, gave him somewhere else to focus. Frank moved up to two fingers and Gerard couldn’t help the little moans that escaped him as he was stretched and prepped. It felt better than he would have thought once the burn subsided and pleasure took over. He gasped at a third finger though and whined. Frank kissed his face and his jaw, nipping at his throat and making him moan more than he ever had before. Frank seemed to know what he was doing though and he hit something inside Gerard that made him cry out.

 

“Ah...f-fucking hell.”

 

He gasped as Frank suddenly pulled away, leaving Gerard empty and confused at why that was suddenly even a problem for him. Gerard looked down to see Frank fighting with the foil packet, he sat up slightly to take it from him and open it with shaky hands, before putting it on Frank without hesitating. He really wanted this now, like he never thought he would. Frank pushed Gerard back down, kissing him roughly and almost desperately. Gerard felt the pressure as Frank pushed in and the burn that followed. He whined at the pain and Frank seemed to understand, slowing down and becoming gentler. Frank pushed until he was all the way in and leaned back down to kiss away tears that Gerard hadn’t even been aware of.

 

“You okay?”

 

Frank voice broke through Gerard’s thoughts and made him pay attention. Was he okay? He nodded. He was okay, it just hurt a little. He relaxed as Frank set about leaving more marks on his chest and shoulders like the ones on his neck. The pain subsided and Gerard really wanted Frank to move now. To do something, anything, that would feel good. He reached up and pulled at Frank’s shoulders, digging his nails in slightly. Frank gave an experimental thrust to see if Gerard was really okay for him to move. Gerard moaned and Frank grinned before doing it again earning another little moan. It didn’t take long for him to pick up a pace, fucking into Gerard harder as he started to meet his thrusts.

 

“Fuck...oh m-my gods…”

 

Gerard moaned loudly as Frank found that spot inside him again and hit it repeatedly every couple thrusts.

 

“So good.”

 

Frank groaned and kissed at Gerard’s neck again. He shifted the angle of Gerard’s hip and started again. They were moaning together and kissing each other sloppily. Gerard arched his back into it as he felt himself fall over the edge so fast he didn’t know what hit him. He came hard and his vision whited out. Frank chased his own finish, quickly finding it and filling the condom as he kissed Gerard hard. Frank didn’t move until he caught his breath, then he pulled out of Gerard and tied off the condom to dispose of it. He grabbed a cloth and cleaned Gerard up. Gerard would have felt weird about it but his mind was getting kind of foggy as he realized he actually felt kind of tired. Frank crawled back in beside him and Gerard actually snuggled into the man’s chest, doing something he never did, and falling asleep.

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard woke up and groaned at a dull pain. He blinked his eyes open and immediately squinted against the harsh light. He looked around and didn’t recognize where he was. Then everything came rushing back to him. He’d not only let some guy fuck him but he’d slept over. What the hell was wrong with him? His mind screamed at him. He looked at his phone, it was his day off too. Maybe he could still sneak out. He looked at the man asleep beside him. Frank, he remembered his name was. He slid out of the man’s grip and off the bed to sit on the edge, grabbing his clothes to get dressed.

 

“So you’re just going to run off then?”

 

The voice behind him made him jump and fall off of the bed. He looked back and saw Frank propped himself up on his elbows, watching him with a bored expression that almost bordered on irritated.

 

“I thought you were asleep.”

 

“Cause that makes it any better?”

 

Frank said blandly and glared at him. He clearly wasn’t impressed with being used and ditched. Frank sat the rest of the way up and Gerard didn’t move, he didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do.

 

“I was going to offer coffee and breakfast when we got up this morning but if you want to leave then be my guest and don’t come back.”

 

Frank was clearly not impressed and Gerard wasn’t sure why he cared but he felt bad. His mind reeled, and he was confused. This was supposed to be a one night stand, he wasn’t even supposed to have slept over. Yet Frank seemed pissed that Gerard thought that. When Gerard still didn’t move Frank reached out towards him and grabbed his wrist to pull him back onto the bed. Gerard let him and moved into Frank’s lap. This was different and he was stuck waiting to see what would happen.

 

“I don’t really do one night stands and I didn’t plan on bringing anyone home last night. I did tell you I wasn’t that easy though.”

 

Frank said and wrapped his arms around Gerard’s waist. Gerard frowned but leaned into it anyway, it felt unfamiliar but almost comfortable. He leaned his head on Frank’s shoulder instinctively and slipped his arms around his neck.

 

“I don’t do relationships or sleeping over after sex, so one of us is going to be out of our depths here either way.”

 

Frank chuckled and kissed Gerard’s neck.

 

“Well, you’re halfway there already.”

 

Frank mouths at Gerard’s shoulder, grinning at the marks there already. Gerard tilted his head back, giving Frank better access. Gerard moaned at the feeling of Frank’s mouth on his neck. Frank pulled away and looked up at him.

 

“Why don’t we give this a shot and you can worry about running away later if I’m really that bad?”

 

Gerard looked down at Frank and considered it for a minute. He hadn’t been in a relationship in a few years and he hadn’t exactly ever had luck in relationships. That could have something to do with his mental state and fondness for tequila though.

 

“And how do I know you aren’t some sort of psycho killer?”

 

Gerard joked and Frank chuckled.

 

“If I was you wouldn’t be asking me that, now would you, you’d be buried already.”

 

Frank rolled his eyes and Gerard knew he was right. In theory, and all the logic Gerard’s barely sober mind can muster, if Frank was going to kill him be probably already would have. That was probably true.

 

“I guess...we’ll see how this goes then.”

 

Gerard nodded and Frank kissed him. Gerard moaned into it and let himself be pulled down, Frank rolling them so he was on top of Gerard again. Gerard smiled and groaned as Frank moved his mouth to his neck and let the feelings take over.

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard looked at the canvas in front of him. He had to do this painting, it was one of the few commissions he took and it would pay good money. He’d been doing better the last month, getting more of his own paintings done for the gallery but also doing the work he’d been putting off. Frank did something to him that seemed impossible but Gerard always got proven wrong. He can see how dumb sleeping around was when he had Frank to compare it to. Frank had quit whatever job he’d had before and gotten one as a waiter in a restaurant after he and Gerard became an actual thing. He wouldn’t tell Gerard what his job had been though, just that the hours sucked for trying to be in a relationship with someone.

 

The one thing that hadn’t changed was how much Gerard drank. The difference was where he drank, which was now at home rather than the bar. A bottle of whiskey seemed to be part of his art supplies and it bothered Frank but he tried not to complain about it too often. Today was one of those days.

 

Gerard heard Frank walk in the front door of their now shared apartment. He came up behind Gerard and kissed his cheek, Gerard leaned into him and although Frank could clearly smell the whiskey he said nothing. He kissed at Gerard’s neck and bit down, running his hands down to Gerard’s hips. Gerard moaned and tilted his head back to rest on Frank’s shoulder. He set down his paint brush and turned himself around to kiss Frank. Frank smiled and, despite what his better judgement told him about fucking his drunk alcoholic boyfriend, he backed Gerard up against the wall.

 

~~~~~

 

Frank got up to get ready for work and it was like any other day. Just the way it has been for almost a year. He sighed at the sight of the corner of the counter full of empty liquor bottles. He shook his head at the dirty dishes in the sink and resolved to do them later when he got home from work. He went downstairs and got into his car. His drive to work wasn’t long and didn’t really bother him but if he was honest the work bored him. It didn’t hold the same appeal as his last job but he felt that it wouldn’t be fair to Gerard to keep that job so he quit before he ever even had to explain it to him.

 

He sighed as he tied his apron around his waist and walked into the restaurant. It was a nice place and he had to keep all of his ink covered, had to take out his piercings while he was there. He didn’t so much mind the button up and tie but he didn’t really like being told to cover up or look more professional just because he was a little too punk for them. The rest of the employees could roll up their sleeves or unbutton the collars of their shirts. Frank couldn’t because of his tattoos. He wrinkled his nose at the thought but went to see what the breakfast and brunch specials would be today.

 

He wrote them down on his little notepad because he would never remember them otherwise and was drawn back out into the dining room by the sound of the bell above the door. He peered out into the dining room and saw a familiar face. He smiled and wandered out to greet the tall, blonde, bearded man.

 

“Hello, just you today?”

 

He wasn’t going to be proper about it but he caught sight of his boss so he figured he had better behave.

 

“Yeah...hey! Frankie?”

 

The man smiled widely upon seeing the smaller man in his work uniform.

 

“Wow, so this is what you ditched us for. Not bad.”

 

He chuckled as Frank led him over to a table in the corner.

 

“Yeah, it’s alright. Pay ain’t bad and tips are usually alright.”

 

“Bet the tips ain’t got nothing on the club, you know we really miss you eh?”

 

Frank sighed and his shoulders slumped.

 

“Yeah, I miss you guys too, Bob. I miss the work too, and this only pay half the tips I got there.”

 

“Why the hell did you leave then dude?”

 

“Didn’t want to explain it to my boyfriend.”

 

He shrugged and Bob raised an eyebrow.

 

“What time you get out here?”

 

“I’m working the morning shift today so I’m out at like three.”

 

“I’ll meet you out in the lot then.”

 

Frank nodded and looked over at his boss.

 

“Sounds good, now what are you gonna order before old stiff pants over there yells at me.”

 

~~~~~

 

“Then why the hell are you still with the guy?”

 

Bob frowned at Frank from the passenger seat.

 

“Because...I keep hoping that me loving him will be enough, that maybe he’ll realize and quit. Or cut back. I guess it’s pretty stupid but I kind of fell hard. I don’t know when or why, I just did and now I don’t want to lose him because of this.”

 

Frank sighed and sank into the seat. They’d parked out by the lake with some shitty take out like they always used to.

 

“Sounds like crap to me, you aren’t fucking happy and it’s hurting you, Frankie. You can do better man.”

 

Bob shook his head at his friend.

 

“The rare occasion that he is sober he’s pretty amazing. I just wish he’d stay that way.”

 

“It’s been how long and he hasn’t showed signs of that becoming a reality? I think he’s a lost cause that you need to dump and move on. No offense.”

 

Frank looked down at his food, biting his lip. He knew Bob was right, Gerard wasn’t going to change or he would have already. He shook his head and took a deep breath.

 

“It’s not like I’ve tried all that hard to get him to change, or really even told him that it bothers me. Bob...I want to give him that chance.”

 

Bob sighed and glanced at Frank, he could see how much Frank really wanted it.

 

“Ok...then talk to him. Make it plain as day that it’s you or the booze and see which one he cares about more. If he doesn’t immediately pick you then kick his ass to the curb. He’s not worth what it’s doing to you.”

 

Frank opened his mouth to say something and ended up just shutting it again. He nodded and sighed again.

 

~~~~~

 

Frank walked in the door and sighed at the sight of Gerard passed out on the couch with a beer in his hand. It wasn’t unusual. Frank saw the painting in the corner, it was still not finished and he was pretty sure the client wanted it in a few days. He hung up his coat and went about cleaning everything up. Gerard eventually woke up and looked at Frank groggily, he smiled and took a drink of the beer in his hand when he realized he was still holding it. He got up off the couch and wandered over to Frank. He smelled like booze and like he probably hadn’t showered in a few days. When Frank thought about it for a second, no, he hadn’t showered in a few days. Gerard tried to kiss Frank but his conversation with Bob screamed in his head and he put his hand up to Gerard’s chest to hold him away. Gerard frowned.

 

“What’s wrong Frankie?”

 

He tilted his head and Frank almost caved right then and there. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

 

“Gee, we need to talk.”

 

Gerard stepped back a bit and looked at Frank a little worried.

 

“Bout what? Wha’s the matter?”

 

He slurred his words a little and furrowed his brow. Frank sighed and looked at Gerard.

 

“How much of the last year do you even remember?”

 

Gerard froze and looked like he was thinking for a couple minutes. Then he made a face like thinking hurt too much and shook his head.

 

“I don’ know...I...what’s goin’ on?”

 

Frank sighed and blinked his eyes against the tears. Gerard was confused, he could see that much. It was like talking to a little kid that’d done something wrong without realizing it.

 

“Gee...do you even know when my birthday is? Or your birthday for that matter?”

 

Gerard frowned deeply.

 

“Your birthday is on Halloween, mine is in April, what are you getting at?”

 

His speech actually seemed to clear up as he got a little upset, his brain focusing a little more on the conversation to figure out why alarms and warning bells were going off in his head.

 

“You don’t spend enough time sober to be able to remember things unless they are really fucking easy. Gee...I love you but you have a problem and I’ve kept quiet about it for too long.”

 

Gerard didn’t seem to see the problem and didn’t say anything for a minute.

 

“What are you trying to say?”

 

“I’m saying that I don’t feel like I’m really dating you here, I’m sleeping with you and you seem ok with that but there’s no real relationship here, Gerard. I feel like I’m alone. When you are sober once in a blue moon I love spending all the time I can with you cause I never know how long it’ll last. You being sober is amazing to me because you become a different person and I fell in love with that person. It’s been a year of this though, and all I want is to be able to do normal things with my boyfriend and tell him I love him and have him actually remember it the next day.”

 

Gerard looked a little scared and he set down the beer bottle to wipe at Frank’s face. Frank didn’t realize he’d started crying.

 

“Frankie...I...oh god, I’m so sorry.”

 

Gerard pulled Frank against him and hugged him tight. His head seemed to clear up and he started to see blurry bits and pieces, he could see what Frank meant and that kind of scared him. He couldn’t even come up with a coherent reason as to why he drank so much, just that it felt good and he’d been doing it so long he hadn’t thought anything of it.

 

“What can I do, Frank? How can I fix this? Please, I don’t want to hurt you like this.”

 

Gerard felt his eyes sting as it came crashing down around him exactly what he’d been doing to Frank. He cuddled into Frank and held him tight. He knew what he needed to do.

 

“I’ll stop.”

 

He said firmly and Frank looked up at him.

 

“You don’t have to stop...I just...wish you’d cut back. There’s nothing wrong with a couple of drinks on the weekend or whatever. But you never give yourself time to sober up. You’re here, but you’re never really _here_.”

 

Gerard looked at him and kissed his cheek.

 

“I think...maybe it’d be better if I just stopped though. Drinking just feels good and once I start…”

 

He sighed and Frank nodded in understanding.

 

“Ok, I’ll help you through it then.”

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard came home from his weekly meeting with another coin. He flopped onto the couch and set the coin in the little bowl Frank had bought. There were five little coins. Frank smiled at the sight of another coin in the collection. There should’ve been six but Frank was still proud that Gerard had managed five. The first month was rough and he couldn’t really hold it against Gerard that he’d slipped up. After a while though, it seemed to get easier and Gerard started getting the monthly coins at his meetings. Frank crawled onto the couch and leaned against Gerard. Gerard looked at him and moved to lay down with his head in Frank’s lap.

 

“How was it?”

 

“Well...as you can see and you already know, I’m five months sober and the idiot that runs the group is just _SO_ proud of me.”

 

Gerard rolled his eyes and Frank chuckled as he played with Gerard’s hair in his fingers. While the group helped and Gerard liked it alright, the lady that ran it was in fact kind of an idiot. Gerard was not a fan to say the least. She kept telling him to quit smoking. While Frank was happy that Gerard had quit drinking, he was in no position to say anything about Gerard smoking. He didn’t mind. He did it too.

 

“You know she means well. And I’m proud of you Gee.”

 

“I know you are, and that’s fine. You are genuinely proud of me and that kind of makes this easier but she’s just so... _judgy_.”

 

Frank chuckled and shook his head at Gerard’s emphasis on the word.

 

“I know.”

 

Gerard sighed in frustration and looked at the coins.

 

“That pile keeps growing.”

 

He smiled proudly and looked up at Frank, who smiled back.

 

“Yeah, it does. That’s a good thing. You wanna go out to celebrate?”

 

“What’d you have in mind?”

 

“We could go out for dinner and catch a movie. Think that new Batman movie is supposed to be in theatres today?”

 

Gerard’s eyes lit up and he sat up.

 

“Oh my god! Really? Can we please go see it?”

 

He pouted at Frank. Frank promptly fell over laughing at the sight. Gerard didn’t see what was funny and made a face. Frank tried really hard to stop laughing and keep a straight face.

 

“Yes, we can go see it.”

 

He grinned widely and held back the laugh.

 

“I love you, Gee.”

 

Gerard smiled and moved over into Frank’s lap, putting his arms around Frank’s shoulders.

 

“I love you too, Frankie.”

 

Frank’s chest got all fluttery just like it did every time Gerard said that, because he was sober now and Frank could tell he meant it. Frank kissed Gerard hard and they fell over together, Frank landing on top of Gerard. He grinned and leaned down to kiss Gerard again, long and deep, their tongues playing together and both of them moaning and pushing into it.

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard opened the door after trying to ignore the knocking for a minute, he didn’t much feel like dealing with people. To his surprise it was his little brother standing on the other side of the door though.

 

“Mikey?”

 

“Hey, Gee.”

 

Mikey smiled a little and stepped forward to hug Gerard tight. Gerard hugged him back and then realized his brother smelled like he’d been soaking in booze for several hours. He wrinkled his nose and pushed Mikey away a bit.

 

“What’s the matter, Gee?”

 

“Are you drunk?”

 

Mikey frowned at him and stepped back a bit, looking at his brother in mild confusion.

 

“Well...yeah, it’s a Friday night man. I came over to ask you if you wanted to come out with me.”

 

“ _Mikey_! Dude that’s…...I can’t…I don’t...drink anymore. I haven’t in like 5 months and I’m not going to.”

 

“What the fuck? Was this some stupid idea that Frank had? Why the hell don’t you drink? Just come out and have fun with me. One night isn’t going to hurt anything.”

 

Mikey tugged at Gerard’s hand but Gerard didn’t budge.

 

“Yeah it was Frank’s idea but I was getting really bad, I went like a year of our relationship and was pretty much never sober. It wasn’t fair to him and wasn’t good for me. I’m doing so much better now.”

 

Mikey made a face and shook his head.

 

“So you cut back. So what because of your boyfriend you can’t go out and have fun? What the fuck bullshit is that?”

 

Gerard went to say something but stopped, Mikey was drunk and he wasn’t going to get anywhere in this argument. He knew that. He sighed and looked at Mikey, then at the clock, then at Mikey again. Frank wouldn’t be home for about three hours.

 

“Ok, ok, calm down. I will go with you but I will drink pop, I’m not drinking. I’ve gotten too far to fuck it up now.”  

 

Gerard shushed him and grabbed his phone, keys, and wallet. Mikey beamed and dragged his older brother out of the apartment and down to Gerard’s bike.

 

~~~~~

 

They walked into what used to be Gerard’s favourite bar and sat at the bar. Gerard didn’t really like the sense of deja vu so much anymore. He knew he shouldn’t be here.

 

“Hey! Long time no see man. I’ll get you your usual.”

 

The bartender winked and Mikey ordered a whiskey for himself, the bartender walked away before Gerard could say anything in objection. He sighed and rested his head in his hand. He shouldn’t fucking be here. He should just leave right now before he can do anything stupid. The bartender brought the drinks back and set the one he meant to be for Gerard right in front of him. He glanced at it and tried to ignore it. He tried to think of what Frank would say, or even what the woman from his group would say. He made a face at what she would say and looked at the drink again. What could one drink hurt? Maybe he just wouldn’t tell group and he could just have one drink to shut Mikey up and have some fun tonight and then go back to being sober. Mikey downed his drink with a smile and looked at Gerard. He picked up the glass and looked at it for a second before shrugging and downing it. It hit harder than he ever could’ve remembered it. It was like his first drink all over again. He coughed a little but otherwise was fine. He smiled at Mikey, who seemed happy and proud. Mikey waved at the bartender for another round.

 

“That’s better, have fun with me, Gee.”

 

Mikey’s smile got to Gerard, he loved seeing it and he was usually the only person that ever did see it. The bartender brought their drinks over and Gerard picked his up with Mikey this time.

 

“One night...and only a couple drinks.”

 

Mikey grinned and they downed their whiskey together.

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard felt amazing after a few drinks with Mikey. More than a few maybe but still. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this good and at this point he was sure he’d feel this in the morning but he didn’t care. His mind had taken a vacation a couple of drinks ago and he was just having fun. Mikey had wandered off with some dark haired, tan guy with what looked like a Nightmare Before Christmas tattoo on his arm but could absolutely be Gerard’s drunk mind playing tricks on him in the dimly lit bar. Mikey had been gone a little while and Gerard was beginning to suspect that he wasn’t coming back for a while.

 

Gerard, however, had caught sight of a cute guy across the bar. He had longish black hair and his arms were completely covered in ink. He wore ripped black skinny jeans and a black denim vest with handcuffs on the back and the word Prophet done in what looked like spray paint but was more than likely just clever art with fabric paint. You could cut yourself on the guy’s jaw line and that’s if he didn’t cut you with his sharp blue eyes first. He hummed in appreciation and smiled shyly at the guy, he looked down at his glass, watching through his bangs and totally putting on a show but it worked. The guy moved over to sit beside him and waved for a round of drinks.

 

“So do I get a name to go with that pretty smile?”

 

He guy spoke and gods his voice was deep, not what Gerard expected from the tall skinny man.

 

“Gee.”

 

He said as sweetly as he could manage, he liked this better than the way he used to do things, this was actually easier.

 

“Well, Gee, I’m Andy.”

 

The stranger smiled and gave him his drink when the bartender brought it over. Gerard accepted it with a smile and drank this one slower. Andy smiled and sipped at his own drink.

 

“Wanna play darts?”

 

Gerard raised an eyebrow at the question but looked over at the dart board.

 

“I’m not very good at it, and I’m a little drunk.”

 

“That’s fine, I’ll help you.”

 

Andy chuckled and it was an amazing sound. Gerard smiled and nodded, letting himself be pulled off the stool and over to the game. Andy collected the darts and brought them back to Gerard, offering them to him. Gerard picked one and looked at the board, he could do this, right? He aimed and tossed it, the dart at least hit the board but it stuck outside any of the rings. Andy chuckled and gave Gerard another dart.

 

“Here, try this.”

 

He stepped up behind Gerard, almost pressed flush against him and held his hand that held the dart. He helped Gerard aim it and let him throw it. It actually landed in one of the rings this time at least. Gerard got a little excited and almost spilled his drink.

 

“Whoops.”

 

Gerard laughed and looked back at Andy. Andy shook his head and took the drink away from Gerard.

 

“Maybe I ought to get you outta here instead.”

 

~~~~~

 

Frank texted and called Gerard several times, he got no answer and it was starting to bug him. He went out to drive around to see if he saw him anywhere and he wasn’t even really looking there, because why would Gerard be _there_ , but he caught sight of Gerard’s bike out of the corner of his eye...in the parking lot of his old favourite bar. He pulled in and tried to keep his doubts, Gerard wouldn’t be here, it was someone else’s bike, it had to be. He went inside and it was just closing up for the night.

 

“We’re closed buddy.”

 

The bartender called to him as he was mopping the floors.

 

“Sorry, I’m just looking for someone. I think that’s his bike outside and he used to be a regular here. I don’t know if you know his name but it’s Gerard, sometimes he goes by Gee.”

 

“Oh, him, yeah he was in here most the night. Looked like his brother that came with him but ditched him about halfway through the night with some guy. Gerard left here a couple hours ago with some really hot guy he’d been making out with by the dart board after a few botched attempts at throwing the darts.”

 

The bartender shrugged and Frank’s heart dropped. No. That couldn’t be right. Gerard...he wouldn’t. Frank refused to believe it. He shook his head and left the bar behind. He went back home to sit on the couch and wait for Gerard. Maybe he’d just gone out...Frank couldn’t think of anywhere he would go. He curled up tight in the corner of the couch and waited. He pulled the tiny jewelry box he’d gone with Bob to get after work. He’d been really excited about it and now his heart kind of hurt.

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard woke up with a pounding headache and a warm body pressed against him that was too tall for it to be Frank. He quickly realized he was naked and last night came crashing back around him. He quickly slipped away from Andy and got dressed as quietly as he could before sneaking out and going downstairs to get a cab. He checked his phone and saw he’d missed a bunch of texts and calls from a very worried Frank. He got the cab to take him back to the bar to get his bike, he had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach and he wasn’t really sure if he was going to throw up or what it was.

 

He got to the apartment on his bike and parked in his usual spot before running up the stairs to their apartment. His heart ached a little at the sight of Frank curled up on the couch. He’d been waiting up for Gerard and Gerard didn’t even call. Frank started awake hearing Gerard set down his keys. He looked up at him groggily for a second until it clicked.

 

“Where were you?”

 

Gerard looked at the floor. He glanced at the five coins on the table that were like a slap in the face right now.

 

“Out…”

 

“So I noticed, but where? Gee, I was worried, I came home and you were gone.”

 

“Mikey showed up last night.”

 

He said quietly, barely above a whisper.

 

“And he asked me to go out with him…”

 

“Where did you go?”

 

Frank tried to keep his voice even and calm.

 

“He...was drunk when he got here...and he wanted to go out to the bar...so we did……”

 

Gerard said weakly.

 

“Yeah, you smell like a bar. Did you drink?”

 

Gerard looked at him through his bangs.

 

“I wasn’t going to, I was just gonna drink pop but the bartender didn’t give me a chance to order...just brought what I used to get...I thought...maybe just one...but…”

 

“So you spent the night there drinking and got drunk. Why didn’t you come home? I wouldn’t have been mad, you’ve been doing good for five months, it’s one slip up and we could get you back on track.”

 

Gerard kept his gaze towards the floor.

 

“I...Frank...I fucked up…”

 

“What do you mean you fucked up?”

 

Frank’s heart sank and he hoped with every fiber of his being that the bartender was wrong.

 

“I…...didn’t come home…….because I...went home with someone else…”

 

Gerard wouldn’t meet Frank’s gaze and Frank could almost feel his heart shattering. He blinked away tears and stood up.

 

“You slept with someone else?”

 

Gerard nodded slowly and Frank couldn’t believe he was here again. He’d been here with past relationships but he’d thought Gerard was different. He was caught between pissed off and going to break down any second and he couldn’t deal with it.

 

“Get out.”

 

He said firmly and heard Gerard gasp.

 

“Frankie I…”

 

“Get. Out. Now.”

 

He repeated and heard Gerard whimper but he wouldn’t look up at him. Gerard tried to say something but couldn’t seem to find the words so he grabbed his stuff again and quietly shuffled out of the apartment. Frank listened as he went outside and started his bike and it was then that Frank let go of the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He crumpled into a ball on the couch and cried. How could he have been so dumb? How did this happen? What did he do wrong? Frank had no answers. He heard his phone ring but he didn’t answer it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. It went to voicemail and he picked it up to listen to the message. He should’ve left it. It was the restaurant. They were cutting back staff and he’d had enough complaints that he was on the cut list. He deleted the message and tossed his phone on the coffee table.

 

He curled up as little as he could get and hugged his knees to his chest. So much for that tough, badass, punk look now he thought to himself. He wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie and looked at his phone that was going off again. It was Bob. He picked it up and tried to make his voice as clear as he could.

 

“Hey, what’s up?”

 

*“How’d it go? Dude, you promised to tell me.”*

 

“It didn’t.”

 

Frank couldn’t help the choked sob that escaped him.

 

*“Frank? Are you ok? What happened?”*

 

“He….”

 

Frank started to say but he started crying again, he couldn’t help it.

 

*”I’ll be over in a minute, alright? I’ll bring food and hugs, and no you are not too punk for hugs.”*

 

Bob said before he hung up and left Frank sitting there by himself in the quiet. It didn’t take long for Bob to show up with a greasy looking fast food bag and wrap Frank in a tight hug.

 

“Just how hard do I need to kick that moron’s ass?”

 

~~~~~

 

Gerard lazed about on Mikey’s couch, drunk out of his mind like he had been for the last week since Frank had told him to get out. He didn’t go back to get any of his stuff yet. He doubted Frank wanted to see his stupid face right now. He tried to call him once or ten times but got no answer. His texts didn’t even get read. Frank probably just deleted them without opening. He was brought out of his train of thought by a knock on the door. He pushed himself up to step over Mikey on the floor playing his Xbox and answer the door. It was Frank’s friend, Gerard thought his name was Bob.

 

“Wow, don’t you look pathetic?”

 

Bob said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. He was carrying a box.

 

“Here, it’s the majority of your shit. Stop calling Frank, he doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”

 

He gave Gerard the box and Gerard noticed a little jewelry box on top that he was sure wasn’t his. He set down the box inside the door and picked up the little box to open it. Inside was a really pretty, simple ring.

 

“This...isn’t mine.”

 

He looked at Bob, who took it from him, closed it and stuffed it in his pocket.

 

“Oh, I know. I just thought maybe you should know how much of an idiot you are. I went with him to get that. He was going to propose when he got home that night.”

 

Bob said, looking rather pissed off and Gerard gasped.

 

“See ya.”

 

Bob walked away without another word leaving Gerard standing there in shock. He tried calling Frank but got nothing. He got more than nothing, Frank actually ignored his calls cutting off the ring and not even giving the illusion he would answer. Gerard’s heart shattered into a million pieces. Frank didn’t want him anymore. He couldn’t really blame him honestly.

 

He closed the door and grabbed his bottle of whiskey and walked past Mikey, who was paying no attention to anything outside of Halo, and went to the bathroom to lock himself in. He felt the tears burning a trail down his face as he sat with his back against the door. He took a swig of whiskey straight from the bottle. He felt so completely empty and hopeless. He sat there for a while, hours probably. He drank half the bottle and it just wasn’t doing anything for him. He looked up at the ceiling and the over at the medicine cabinet. Mikey has anxiety and had a broken rib recently from falling down some stairs. Gerard could think of a couple medications he might have that might help. Gerard got up and opened the little door to look inside. No pain killers but Mikey’s anxiety meds were there. An almost new bottle. Gerard sat back on the floor with the pills and popped two, washing them down with the whiskey. He waited a while and didn’t feel anything. He frowned and took some more. Still nothing. He wasn’t sure how many he took but before long he felt kind of tired. He looked at the bottle and realized it was almost empty. He vaguely remembered the effects of taking too many of these...and then the effects of mixing them with alcohol. He was almost certain of what would happen if you did both but he didn’t care. What did he have to live for anymore anyway? He finished them off and felt kind of bad. What if Mikey needed them? He’d just get more. He finished what little was left of the whiskey and felt himself quickly slipping into the blackness and he let it take him.

 

~~~~~

 

Mikey looked around as he woke up. Where was Gerard? He got up and stretched, wandering towards the bathroom to relieve himself. The door was closed. It was never closed. He shrugged and tried to push it open but it was heavier than it should be. He frowned and knocked.

 

“Gee? You in there?”

 

He got no answer so he tried again, putting a little more of his weight behind it this time and it did budge but it was like something was leaning against it. He groaned and pushed it out enough to lean in and see Gerard leaned up against the door.

 

“Gee, wake the fuck up dude, why are you sleeping on the bathroom floor?”

 

He pushed his way inside and the door closed with a bang under Gerard’s weight. It was then that Mikey saw the empty whiskey bottle.

 

“Ah shit. Come on, Gee, wake your hungover ass up.”

 

Mikey knelt down to pick up the bottle and shake Gerard. Something wasn’t right.

 

“Gee?”

 

Mikey furrowed his eyebrows together as he shook his big brother. Then he saw out of the corner of his eye...a pill bottle. He swallowed hard and picked it up. It was empty. He looked at the label and his heart sank. It was his anxiety medication he’d picked up only a couple of days ago, it should have been full other than a couple pills. Mikey set it down and reached up to touch Gerard’s neck, looking for a pulse and finding nothing. He held his shaky hand in front of his brother’s face and felt no breath on it. His chest wasn’t moving and his skin was colder than it should’ve been.

 

“Oh god….no...nonononononono.”

 

Mikey felt the tears and could do nothing to stop them. He hiccuped a little as it hit him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed 911. It was all he knew how to do right now. The operator answered and Mikey shook as he cried, his chest hurt and he realized he was probably starting to have a panic attack. He had no medication to help. The operator’s voice called to him again and he snapped out of it a little.

 

“I need help.”

 

~~~~~

 

Frank sat in his living room and looked up as Bob came in. He set a familiar black jewelry box on the coffee table and Frank looked up at him.

 

“What...did you do?”

 

“Took him a box of his shit and told him how bad he fucked up.”

 

“BOB! I wanted a little time, I didn’t want to get rid of him. What the fuck?”

 

“You’ll thank me later. See you at work tomorrow.”

 

Bob waved and left again. Frank looked at the box on the table. He couldn’t seem to shake how he felt about Gerard. He still loved him. Yeah he fucked up, but he seemed to know that and like he was sorry about it. Frank would give him another chance and maybe in a few months he would try again to propose to him. Frank knew he still wanted to. He looked at his phone. It had stopped going off a while ago so he was sure Gerard had fallen asleep or given up for tonight at least. He’d call him back tomorrow.

 

~~~~~

 

Frank put the finishing touches on his makeup in his dressing room. He’d tried to call Gerard a few times today and gotten no answer. He sighed and dialed the number again, try one last time before Frank had to go out and work. He got no answer, not even an answering machine. That was weird. Frank was sure there had been one earlier today. He set the phone down and headed out only to bump into someone. He looked up to see…

 

“Mikey? You’re Gee’s little brother? Have you seen him today? I’ve been trying to call him but getting no answer.”

 

Mikey looked down, his eyes were kind of puffy. Sort of like he’d been crying.

 

“Didn’t know you were a stripper. I stopped by your place but you weren’t there. Your landlady told me where I’d find you...Frank……”

 

Mikey sighed and bit at his lip.

 

“We need to talk but not out here.”

 

Frank frowned but looked around and grabbed Mikey to pull him back into his dressing room.

 

“What’s going on, Mikey?”

 

“It’s…...Gee...Frank, he……”

 

Mikey started to tear up again, just thinking about it.

 

“They told me I should stay home, take it easy but you’d been calling and I couldn’t answer the phone. I had to take the battery out and get it disconnected…...I knew I had to tell you though but…...I couldn’t do it over the phone…...it didn’t seem right……”

 

Mikey started to break down, crying and hiding his face. Frank reached out and helped him over to the little couch.

 

“Mikey...what’s wrong?”

 

“He’s……...gone……”

 

Mikey sobbed and Frank raised an eyebrow. Gone? What the hell did that mean?

 

“What do you mean gone? What happened?”

 

“He…...I found him...this morning…...my anxiety meds……...he didn’t even leave a note.”

 

Mikey shook hard as he tried to talk, crying and curling up. Frank stared blankly. No...he couldn’t mean...he didn’t...Frank looked at Mikey and the boy was curled in on himself. Frank didn’t know what to do.

 

“Mikey…...you don’t mean…...he didn’t…...he can’t have…...no….”

 

Frank felt his own eyes start to burn, the tears spilling as it sunk in.

 

“H-he’s gone…...he’s just gone…...he took the whole bottle.”

 

Frank felt like he was going to be sick, his insides were aching. Gerard was gone and he wasn’t coming back. Not even just that he was gone. He’d...left. Frank broke completely and fell apart. He felt Mikey’s arms wrap around him and he returned it. They sat there together for a while until Bob came looking for Frank. Bob couldn’t find the words when he found out what’d happened. He blamed himself for it. He held his best friend and what would’ve been his best friend’s brother-in-law if he’d just left well enough alone. He hugged them and they sat there for a long time until neither Frank, nor Mikey, had any tears left to shed.

 

~~~~~

 

Frank looked at the clean carved stone. It was insulting honestly. It shouldn’t be there. It had been for about a month though, and every week Frank brought new flowers and got rid of the old. He felt numb and empty.

 

_Gerard Arthur Way_

_Brother, Friend, and Beloved._

 

It had his birthday and the day he died. Every character felt like a punch to the gut to Frank though. He wanted his Gee back, he wanted to go home and see him sitting there covered in paint and charcoal, smelling like coffee and cigarette smoke and oil and acrylic paints. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, and ask him what he wanted for dinner tonight. He wanted to complain about the customers at the restaurant while he made dinner and listen to Gerard talk about some comic book idea he’d had but would never write down. He wanted the man he loved back.

  
Instead he would leave the grave and go to sleep. He’d wake up at seven, shower, eat and be out the door by nine to be at the club for ten and on the floor by ten-thirty. He’d work numbly but to the satisfaction of the patrons and collect his tips to go home have a drink and stare at Gerard’s art he’d left behind. Frank wasn’t sure if he’d ever break that cycle but for now it was all he had so he lived with it. His heart would never be the same and he knew that. He wore the engagement ring on a chain, the ring sat close to his heart. He would’ve sold it or pawned it but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He’d never use it but he couldn’t get rid of it. He lit a smoke and took a drag while he sat on the couch looking at the last painting Gerard had done. It wasn’t finished and he didn’t know how to finish it, he wasn’t Gerard. He couldn’t see the vision behind it but he loved it anyways. He still loved Gerard and he knew that he always would.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always online somewhere if you wanna chat...  
> you can find me @ thePetetoherPat on Twitter and thepetetoherpatrick.tumblr.com ^-^
> 
> hit me up whenever xoxo


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